During the last recession, a man walks into a bar. He walks up to the barkeeper and says, "Barkeeper, I'd like to buy everyone a round of drinks".

The barkeeper says, "Fine, but we're smack in the middle of a recession, so I'll need to see some cash first". The guy pulls out a huge stack of bills and puts them on the bar.

The barkeeper can't believe it. "Where did you get all that cash?", he asks.

"I'm a professional gambler", replies the man.

"There's no such thing. I mean, your odds are 50-50 at best, right?" replies the barkeeper.

"Well, I only bet on sure things," says the guy.

"Like what?" asks the barkeeper.

"I'll bet you $100 that I can bite my right eye." The bartkeeper thinks about it.

"alright".

So, the guy pulls out his false right eye and bites it. "Aw, you fooled me", says the bartender, and pays the guy his $100. "I'll give you another chance. I'll bet you $200 that I can bite my LEFT eye," says the guy.
The barkeeper thinks again and says, "Well, I know you're not blind, I saw you walk in here. I'll take the wager." The guy pulls out his false teeth and bites his left eye.

"Aw, you fooled me again".

"That's how I win so much money, barkeeper. I'll just take a bottle of your best scotch in lieu of the $200", says the man.

Then, the guy goes to the back room and spends most of the night playing cards with some of the local people. After many hours of playing and drinking, he stumbles up to the bar. The guy, totally wasted, says, "Barkeeper, I'll give you one last chance. I'll bet you $800 that I can stand on this bar here on one foot and piss into that scotch bottle on that shelf behind you without spilling a single drop".

The barkeeper once again ponders the wager, notices that the guy could barley stand on two feet, much less one and says,
"OK, you're on".

The man climbs onto the bar, stands on one leg, and begins pissing all over the place. He hits the bar, the wall, the bartkeeper, himself, but not a drop makes it into the scotch bottle.

The barkeeper is elated, stating, "Hey pal, you owe me $800!" The man climbs down off the bar and says, "That's alright. I just bet each of the guys in the poker room $2000 each that I could piss all over you and still make you laugh."